Well, after following my usual diet of consuming every tidbit of information I could on the Orthodox Church I have finally slowed down to a pace at which I can step outside of the rapturous feasting and get a sense of where I’m at with this whole thing.
Through the process I’ve had my ups and downs, my moments of “This is it – it all makes sense now!” and the “Woe is me! – is there no end to this confusion and uncertainty.” Coming out on the other end I’m, as usual, somewhere in between. I can’t shake the feeling that this really may be the One True Church – And if any church can ever make that claim then the Orthodox can – certainly, in my opinion, it trumps the Catholic Church in this historical and theological claim. But I’ve also hit a brick wall with regards to any attainable certainty – especially on a research or intellectual level. It just doesn’t seem possible to know this kind of thing with your head and since I don’t have access to an English Orthodox Church (and even the Greek Orthodox Church is 3 hours away) I can’t even attend services in the hope that I could get a heart sense after attending for a while.
I must be honest, I’d be a little disappointed if Orthodoxy doesn’t turn out to be The Church. I’ve really come to appreciate their Theology. Of course some of this Theology is transferable regardless of membership in the church, but some is not. I began looking forward to Baptizing and Chrismating my boys and receiving Chrismation myself. I looked forward to developing a relationship with a Priest who would be my Spiritual Mentor and Guide in the Spiritual Life. I Love the Orthodox Sacramental Theology – which I’m afraid can’t be transferred as it is tied to the Bishop, Priest and Church. This book isn’t closed, but now all I can do it wait and listen and hope that God gives me ears to hear.